i moved across the states, from south carolina to illinois. i never anticipated moving as soon as i got used to being in high school, but luckily, i get to see my grandma more. i had a few weeks off from school so i could get used to the area and unpack, and since i've turned fifteen, i have finally had the chance to actually spend my own money to buy clothes and decorate. my room was really pretty—as pretty as i could have ever dreamed—and the clothes i bought were just as angelic. if i were skinnier, it would be better, though. i know i am already skinny (5'4 and 98 lbs), but it doesn't feel like enough. i always had that gnawing feeling that i was too fat. a few years ago, i was more than twice my weight now, so i guess that's where i get that from. but i like how i can perfectly fit one of my thighs onto my two hands and how my wrist can fit in a circle made by my hand. it's so validating. anyway, tomorrow i start school, which i'm not too thrilled about. i'm worried about getting bullied because of the scars from cutting on my wrists and thighs, but whatever. currently, i am planning the outfit i will wear tomorrow. i know i must not wear anything too revealing; it is winter, after all, and winters aren't the same in illinois and south carolina; the cold weather is much dire and harsh. i want to wear something that will give me confidence and make me feel comfortable. i have to be brave and put myself out there, even if it is intimidating. it's a new start and i must not let my fear of others' judgement keep me from achieving my goals. i chose a white sweater with another white skirt, wearing tights that perfectly resembled my skin color. my shoes would be simple: black converse paired with leg warmers. perfect. now i have to fill up my backpack, which i probably should've done in the first place, but whatever. i stick my togepi keychain on my backpack; it's also white (my favorite color) and decorated with a little doodle of a cat on the front pocket. anyhow, i can't forget my tamagotchi and the billion binders and array of pens i bought because i am very picky about the school supplies i use. there's a compartment for emergency things, like if i need to touch my face or anything else, like my periods. i haven't had my periods in a while, but i still pack some pads just in case. i also packed my journal in case i needed to remember anything specific but something that wasn't too important to include as a diary entry. i hate to admit it, but i also packed some chewing gum and a razor, in case there's an instance where i have a terrible day and desperately need some relief, or if i'm fasting and i don't want to feel hungry anymore. smart, right? my mom wouldn't approve of this, though; she hates it when i hurt myself or anything like that. i know i'm mentally ill, and i hate it, but at the same time, i don't want to get better. today is the day i go start my day in some chicago dystopian school—never mind, i probably shouldn't talk ill of chicago; i love chicago. when i woke up, i actually had the courage to shower, brush my teeth, and do my skincare routine, something i hadn't done in a while. i guess i want to make a good impression. after spraying a shit ton of deodorant and perfume onto me, i headed down to eat. instead of eating, though, i get full in one bite and slip it all to the dog. my mom hasn't gotten a job yet, though, so i leave before she notices that i didn't actually eat my breakfast. to the train station i go! i really like trains. i am super glad that i get to take a train as a route to my school; it's amazing. the first thing i notice as i enter the train is that it feels like it's empty; there's barely anyone here except for a really cute black dude around my age who has an immaculate style; these two mexican girls and their exhausted mother. she's sitting across from a kid with messy hair that looks like he dyed it in the morning; i'm sitting beside a boy who keeps checking his phone; there's this girl in the corner whose body type i envy and a few more people, mostly guys, i think they're college students. i think one might be a theater kid; nothing wrong with that though. the idea of theater enamored me once before. another guy is dozing off and his snores are so loud, he might as well wake himself up. i put on my headphones and listen to my own music, and finally, after what felt like hours the train came to a halt. i walked out of the train, immediately feeling the frost of the wind darting towards me. i grip onto my sweater and walk in the direction of the school, snowflakes crunching underneath my shoes. if im being honest, the school is not at all what i had imagined it to be. it's big but it seems grey, like all the color was washed off of it. i have to hike uphill to get to it, which is tiring for many reason, it almost reminds me of my middle school. when i walk into the school it is filled with students walking in multiple directions, all of them are chubbier than me which fills me with a rush of serotonin.
This dream seems to be a mix of excitement and anxiety about starting a new chapter in life. The dreamer has a sense of satisfaction with their new surroundings, but still struggles with insecurity about their appearance and past struggles with self-harm. The dream also highlights the importance of preparation for the new school year, as well as the need to overcome fears and put oneself out there. The observation about the other students' body types could also indicate a comparison and possibly a need for reassurance. Overall, this dream reflects a desire for acceptance and confidence as the dreamer navigates a new environment.